An attempt to sort out my experience
Thanks a lot for sharing brother, great avatar. Awesome that we both went through this at the same time.
Great write up amberfox33. Thanks for sharing with us! I love to read and learn about others' experiences. To see what is different and what is similar. It's exciting. Thanks for your openness and honesty, it isn't always easy to share personal, even intimate details with 'the world' - but I think that most people who have profound sessions with iboga feel almost compelled to share their reflections and observations on it. It is not easy, nor is it a play thing. Next time - if you do more I encourage you to have a sitter. I have more (iboga) experience than most of the people on this board, both personally (five floods) and hands on observation/participation in many different sessions with people from all walks of life. IF - and yes that's only 'if' - you need help, for any reason at all, you'd be too intoxicated to call for it. I'm not picking on you man, but I have seen so many different and powerful reactions to this medicine - you can't be too careful. It does not have to be a nurse, just someone who knows what you are doing and can assist you if you need it. Mostly practical stuff, like shitting the bed (happened to me...sorry sitters ) I mean I fucking shit the bed on one of those floods. It sure is funny but would not have been if I wasn't being looked after. All I'm saying is that anything can happen, and you say you wish to go deeper, or take more on your next outing. Just trying to look out for your safety is all. Thanks again for a great journal - it's a nice addition our boards - and so are you! Blessings, Cal
Thanks for the comments! One important thing I forgot to mention: At the very end of the flood, having seen and felt some pretty profound stuff, I wondered if it was really real or just my imagination working at it's highest potential. Is the always connected spirit realm that I saw real? Or the way the world works, much too weird for us to intellectually understand, magical and chaotic? The answer was clear: there's exactly 50/50 chance that it was real, or that it was just my imagination. Oh well, it doesn't even matter that much to me right now. The next day after the flood was really something. When I started 'waking up' I felt fucking great. I remember thinking I've never felt this happy. I was giggly and euphoric. And I remember thinking how weird and great it was that everything that I had heard about iboga, was true. It lasted pretty much for the whole day. Everything had meaning, everything was bright, and I felt still partly connected to the spirit world. When I went running to nature (feeling physically great and energetic, despite not having slept or eaten in two days) I actually saw glimpses of the energies of trees, connecting with my spirit when I focused my attention on them. I don't know if it was real or not, but I’m now actually quite interested in shamanism in its different forms, to be able to really connect with nature. I still had some strong ideas that were partly visions. One was about some mystical stone (or was it a bell, or something in between) existing in another dimension (spirit realm?) That stone/bell, when embraced, emanated endless love that exceeds everything. And it could be embraced from anywhere, anytime, if you just remembered it exists. An odd idea, now that I think about it. But at the time it didn't even seem like a new idea, it was something I thought I had heard before. And there was some person or entity talking about it, from whom I thought I had heard about it. I also got this really far out idea. It’s a bit difficult to grasp now, but then it made a lot of sense. It was about how somewhere in the distant future there are endless amounts of powerful souls just meditating on love and connectedness, blasting an vibration so powerful and high that it reaches even to our time, helping us in incredible ways. Or something like that. I feel the wood is still affecting me, but in very subtle ways. It's certainly bringing up some strong underlying stuff to be handled. That's probably tough love. I can now cope with the sadness, fear and loneliness, whatever shit my mind creates, and I’m not as resistant to it as I used to. I’m bigger than my demons. I feel compelled to be a little more honest with myself and others. I don’t want to pretend to be anything I’m not, at all. It'd feel like a sin. It's nice to be a human. I've got power, power to change things in my life, power to change the world. After feeling totally helpless and powerless in a meaningless world, this reality doesn't look that bad. I get to be a human being, and play and share this experience with other human beings. Yeah, thanks for the suggestion, I'll certainly get a sitter next time. I'm already looking forward to it. Peace
Thanks amberfox33. From one who is yet to feel a full flood, it's great having your experiences to draw from.
that is awesome. you sound rationally unsure about the reality of the ideas. well, you will find, i am sure, that your experiences will return in a consistent way. and eventually their truth will become self evident. it's like - you 'know' the sun exists because you see it every day - it is an experienced reality. and that is how i experience my walk into the spirit world - an experience of a coherent magical reality! what you went through i understand - imho - as an awesome initiation into the spirit world. isn't that absolutely wonderful?! congratulations! i'm so happy for and with you! let me also say that we are warriors. there is challenges waiting for us, we are being woken up for the task at hand. as i said - all IMHO .. anyways, good to read what you share!
That's the message I got too, initiation, preparation for a task that we've always been preparing for. Our duty.