first timer - great expierience

This report is the shit !!! way to go . you should be feeling really good right now and for some time to come . mahalo and star wars - harVey pLex

i feel more normal then i felt in years it feels like a permanent change Do higly recommend to use it at least once in life, this must have grown over most of africa where the cradle of mankind is before the land dried up. An obvious higher intelligence working throug plant alkoloids, wow what nature is capable of. a big heavy chunk of blocking feelings is just gone after a few hours of gentle nature force ride that requires a little  courage

Beautiful report openswan! I'm glad you got such positive results. I also imagined the goo in my mind... sort of like a thick liquid chocolate curtain being poured down. It was indescribably smooth. I even muttered "smooth" to myself at the time It definitely took the edges out of my mind.

hi openswan, wonderful, well done for daring. i had two experiences in my life that brought me beyond the edge of my ego. in the first one i was sober, meditating, when i suddenly started to leave my body through my third eye. my ego was scared to shit! these thoughts went through my head 'its all real, its all real, its all real, oh my god, its all real'. after this it shied away from anything that could unhinge it, and i am in a struggle with it ever since - we are not at good terms on my iboga floow IT made my heart race. IT sabotaged. an epic battle - for the ownership of who controls MY life! i was told then 'we know it is going to be hard, but if you hang in, if you are strong enough - it is going to be worth it' but that was only a vague voice in the rage of the battle that was going on, dismissed by the anger of the fighting ego - spreading panic. then i gave in and went to emergency room - i felt that my heart would explode - only for them to tell  me that my heartbeat is normal!! and guess what - my ego told me arrogantly - suggesting that it is me thinking this: 'i failed again, i gave in to the panic attack'. usually these would be my thoughts, but there i could see how it was the egos lies. as i am waiting for a good time to come for my next flood (it is pretty much one year since my first flood) i can see how it sabotages my thoughts about it. i forget what the effects were. i get thoughts of how bad it will be. ... but then i come here to the forums, and remind myself. i feel, from deep within, there is something stronger, older, wiser than my all mighty ego! it gives me courage to take eboga. who dares to go over the line, when all your senses tell you that you will die? (remember, the hospital readings were all normal!!!!). can we, empowered by eboga, really let the ego die? do we have to kill the ego? as i write i feel a tension were i always felt it when i have panic attacks - in the muscles on my left breast. since many years it suggests by twitching them that something is wrong with my heart - i know the nature of my panic attacks. once i taught it and won a battle, though it won the war. but i know now - really, not just because i have been told - that it can be done. 'really, do i know this?' it suggests. it's harder than the first time - it knows what it has to fear. it is more prepared. but so am i - i have the courage to take eboga. please forgive me if i go off and talk about myself. every time i read a report i relate to deeply, i feel like relating it directly to my experience. the writing helps me remember - which is very important for me. i hope you understand....

Was this 1.5 gm of root or extract? Seems small to have that much effect if it was root

1.5g TA (Total Alkaloid) extract.

well, i tried to not fight it for a long time. but, at the point were i am at, there is no doubt about it. my spiritual path lead naturally to this confrontation. it's not unhealthy, as if i was fighting myself. i am fighting what you might call the programming. but that is to simplistic really - from my point of view. the simple question that i came to ask myself: can i freely do what you choose to do? what are the limits of that? many believe that the limits are due to hardwiring/programming. my path lead naturally to a confrontation - i say i 'woke' up a daemon that was dwelling in the depths of a traumatic childhood experience. what happened is this: i blew life into that parts of my programming - thereby vitalizing them. it raged, we fought. it shied back, for the first time it gave in. it was not rigid/mechanistic/hardwired - it reacted, answered. and how - by lying, negative suggestions. i could see it all clearly. that is how it goes. i walk down into the hell to meet and fight my daemons. or otherwise: i blow life into the programming so that it is not a hardwired part of my personality but a living creature that i can confront, fight and really: kill. it needs to pass away. now this sounds harsh, but it is not my brain dying - it is the daemon dying. when it comes to the regions where it is realized: they will undergo a metamorphosis! of course, i might be deluded, but i am very clear about this. it did not just come, my understanding grew in many years. it is not making me weaker, it is making me stronger. it is not making my hate myself, it is making me walk prouder. where before i was beating myself up, disrespecting myself, i am now beating my ego up. and i am not even the originator of these  - i am merely redirecting it's destructive energy onto itself. that is also why i feel that i will win. it feels right.

Congratulations on your progress. It may feel that you are fighting with your ego, but that is not the case. Your ego is fighting with itself, and you still identify with part of your ego. If you could divide yourself in two: one side being the ego and the other side being your True Self, your Inner Light, or your Soul, then it is just your ego fighting with itself. The nature of your soul is to love. It does not fight. Fighting does not resolve anything unless you are illuminating and accepting your demons. I think demons/your shadow must be integrated, not destroyed. Just my two cents.

Hey openswan my friend, Thanks a lot for sharing your wonderful experience with us here on Iboga.  Muchos good vibage.

Damn I can't believe I missed this thread - wow... I blame Purple Kush. Thanks for sharing and welcome openswan!

@mistyfalcon17 - that might be. i am basing my conclusions on my own gut feeling and experience. i can see the problems with daemonising parts of the ego. i suppose that at worst it enforces a daemonic imprint. a self fulfilling prophecy - within the brain. sure the brain/ego can do that. but i can also see the problem with the opposite - appeasing it. stepping back, letting it be. letting it do bad. i came to understand that for me to make progress i had/have to oppose it. in my first flood we fought over the control over my heartbeat. or rather - and this is exactly the point - i would not be inclined to think that the heartbeat was something to be controlled. so, when i had this rage flowing through my heart and controlling it in a way that would make me feel that it will explode i did what at the time i had to do: i started opposing it. i started calming my heart down. by breathing, by tightening the muscles in my chest. by tightening my heart, so as to keep it under control. like trying to hold a violent person on the ground with all my might so that he can not to more bad. and it was a real fight of two personalities - me, the person/ego that developed through all of my post traumatic experiences - against it, the daemon that was shock frozen for such a long time, that blindly held on to what it experienced at the time: rage/fear/hate. and because it was such a early childhood experience, it colored my life experience and development. i always felt that i was denied fulfillment. i always wanted to, but felt something was holding me back. simple but fundamental things: the way i laugh, the way i smile, the way i stand, the weight and color of my voice.. now, i am thinking this now. so if it was open to love and reason - then why does it not just give in? the understanding is here - no? however i came to understand : it degenerated. it knows nothing but rage/fear/hate. it is suspicious. in the end: it holds on to it's existence. i tried for so long to be loving and good - it colored that too: it laughed about it. it did not take it serious! for long it took me for a naive fool, and it wants to keep it that way - keep me dumb. but - i had enough! i am a spiritual warrior. i come with the sword - iboga - and love. i expect rage, deceit and death. i pray for my love to be strong. i know my love will be tried. i need to walk down into the depths. i need to face them. i know they will try to consume me. i know that if i don't succeed, then my daemons=fears=.. will always color my experience. i will go down and let them consume me. i will look right throughout them. i will feel right throughout them. i will shine right throughout them. i will love right throughout them. i will touch them throughout. and as i am love, this will be me, my true self - blessing them. and those that have been created by the creature in fear, will finally undergo in the metamorphosis that is going to free them. free me. this is my prayer, my myth for my next flood.

oh word!!! man,that really resonates with me.

Hello all, I've got some iboga but am waiting for the right timing, setting and safeties before I go ahead. But my question is with openswan's staring at the eye and ego death. Has anyone passed through this because I know from experiences both meditative and with heavy doses of cannabis (I use very infrequently and only for spiritual and body maintenance purposes) how terrifying this can be? There seems to be this peaceful, benevolent, loving core of my consciousness that is connected to everything (like I am just a manifestation of it and not the other way around) that welcomes me to unify with it. And then there is the ego, which fears being winked out of existence forever should I fully join it. I recently came very close on cannabis, undergoing what for all the world seemed to me to be kundalini syndrome (cranial pressure, body spasms, a flow of energy, etc.). I was staring into a mirror and seeing my body as somewhat fuzzy and out of focus, but these eyes of the core consciousness shining through mine in perfect focus. As I allowed myself to integrate to the core more and more, my body became more and more in focus, as though I was stepping into my true self. But before I got all the way there, I felt real terror and looked away. The core consciousness was very cool about this and told me not to go any further if I didn't want to. I wish now that I had, but then again, I am not facing that tangible fear now. So has anyone experienced something like this? Has anyone passed through this? If I see the eye, or eyes, or a door that I fear to pass though, should I muster my courage and pass though? At the time, death feels like such a real possibility. Can I move past this? Ideally, I would like to keep my ego as openswan states, but I would like to have it there as a tool I can use, am in control of, and can alter as needed. Peace

The ego shattering effects like one may have on mushrooms or LSD is not the same as what one experiences with iboga.  Generally iboga allows a bit of detachment while you experience the visions and stuff, so it's not really as scary as some of the other ones can seem.  Iboga is powerful, but also gentle on the psyche.  It allows access to the subconscious, but also does some physical things to help one feel more comfortable in these mental states.

Thanks wolfmoon! I haven't experienced LSD or psilocybins. I am open to the latter as well as DMT, though. I'm glad to hear that iboga is rather gentle in that respect. I gather from all the reports I've read that it has a profound effect on people even without dragging one forcefully through ego death. Some of the before/after videos out there are really inspiring. Do you think it would be dangerous to pass through that eye or through that door? I'd love to hear others weigh in with their experience on the matter, too.

maybe we can not really discuss this while still being on this side of the eye. maybe someone from the other side can join the discussion? is anybody from the other side reading?  that would be nice - would it not? on a smaller dose i had the most gentle of experiences - telling my what it will do and how it will do it and what was wrong and what choices i had. but on the flood dose i had the scariest of experiences. i was full of fear of dying, for hours. i am not saying that the eboga wasn't gentle. but stirring that deep might just bring up the most fundamentally scary content of your psyche. maybe there is healthy and useful egos. and maybe for people with healthy egos eboga will always be fundamentally wonderful and gentle. and then there is people like me with flawed egos, and for me eboga promises that by going to the core, i can transform my ego. by facing my fears, i can un-root them and plant new fundamentals, on which i can grow and rely. that is what i hope for. but what is beyond that? i read once a book by Ramesh S. Balsekar. i say the following from old memory: he was talking about what it is like to be enlightened, beyond the ego, which he said he was. he said that he himself did not know what he would say or do next. how he would always come up with the right and fresh response to what ever was required by the world around him. i had that after my flood. but what i did not have was willpower. and eventually i lost that too. so - what do i know ...  just an other fool, happy at best, and that is all i want! having said that - how can i be happy if i am so full of neglect? there is a tendency in me to stay happy while being ignorant to what needs doing, what needs care, what needs love. no - i'm not happy, i'm angry, i'm fed up. and i have to be. i am serious about this. in my next flood i will not be naive - it's a way of wasting love!

Aweome report, I am looking forward to my first experience with iboga for many reasons.