Microdose experiment and flood questions

Hello Iboga forum!

I wanted to share with you some experiences of my recent microdose experiment and ask some questions about a flood I am planning for later this summer. But one after another:

I first heard of Ibogaine about a year ago and was immediately fascinated. I have no addictions apart from nicotine, but I have suffered from various symptoms all my life relating to an abusive childhood and my habit of getting myself into traumatic situations over and over again (I’m sometimes surprised myself that I don’t have a drug habit). 

Over the years I have had anxiety, depression, dissociative symptoms, pretty much everything apart from psychosis, and I just kept piling on the trauma. After getting out of an abusive relationship last year and being homeless for a while I sort of cracked – my dissociation got so bad I could hardly remember what day it was, had identity alterations (was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder) and was basically suicidal. 

I have a great amount of respect for Iboga and would not ever take it lightly, but at that point I reckoned it could not possibly make me worse. I started researching providers (have located someone who from my research seems to be very trustworthy) but wanted to give microdosing a go first. I got some 300mg RB caps and started with one, gradually stacking up over a couple of days until I was at about 1800mg.

I am either ridiculously sensitive to the stuff or it is even more potent than I thought, but I could not believe the effects I got out of just two weeks of use.

Here’s what happened: 

Within two days of my first dose, I lost all interest in contacting my abusive ex. It was like Iboga just went “and now to something completely different” – its not that I’m angry or resentful, just that I could suddenly see what a troubled soul he is and that his problems are his and not mine. Talk about an addiction cure ☺

Over the first couple of days I felt normal, but my perspective on things changed – for example, I suddenly realised some things about my relationship to my brother that I had completely missed before, despite years of therapy. It was like my brain was making whole new connections between things. 

At about 1200mg  (plus whatever had accumulated the days before) I started having visions – not full on tripping but also stronger than just a daydream. Half I was controlling them, half I was not. At first, they were very friendly and welcoming. I saw some African people in a rainforest (possibly I was expecting this because of my reading, but it was incredibly detailed and vivid). When they saw me they laughed in an amicable way, like “oh dear, look what you’ve done to yourself”. They then took me to their village and an incredibly beautiful young woman took me by the hand and led me to a river. She said I should cross it and wait on the other side.

On the other side I met an old man with a wild beard and fierce eyes. I think this was the spirit of Iboga. I approached him in a very respectful way and he just said in a gruff but not unfriendly tone “stop apologising!”. I realised he meant I should stop feeling like I have to apologise for my existence all the time. 

He told me to climb up a tree and wait on a platform that was up there. There was a little monkey that accompanied me (I remember I thought it was hilarious I should end up with a monkey on my back of all things). I sat down on the platform and fell asleep soon after. 

The next day I felt a bit raw and decided to up the dose by another two capsules. This proved to be an unwise decision, although not necessarily a bad one. I sat with my housemate who had a friend over and suddenly started getting a very negative vibe off her. I went to my room and embarked on a bit of a binge of self-hatred as in “nobody likes me, I’ll always be alone”, etc. Soon after, I could feel my body feeling very odd, my blood pressure seemed to be too high, as if my blood was bubbling acid, very unpleasant. I have felt this once before on an overdose of Yohimbe, so was pretty sure I wasn’t dying but only pretty sure. Thoughts went from grey to black and I got a nightlong guided tour of every negative thought I ever had about myself. By the end of that I realised that a) I am officially doing this to myself. All the time. And b) if I don’t change my negative thought patterns, all Iboga’s teachings will be in vain because I will interpret them wrong. 

An example of this: I saw a short scene of myself as a child at a birthday party. I was sitting alone away from the other children and would not play with them. In my dark state of mind I thought: well, see, no one has ever liked me. It has always been like this. 
As soon as I got out of my negativity binge, I realised what it actually was, was that I was shy and socially anxious as a child and would not go near the other children because they scared me. Same situation – different interpretation. As if to drive that home some more, my housemate confessed the next day that she quite fancied the guy she had had over – so the negative vibe I got had nothing to do with me and everything to do with the fact she wanted to be alone with him. It was just my ego twisting this into a negative self-concept. 

There were many more insights and visions until a few days after that I was starting to feel a bit too tripped out to cope with life and gave it a break. For a few days I was extremely euphoric and motivated, then ended up in a bit of a slump. I realised I was getting symptoms of low dopamine levels (stiff muscles, bad coordination, unspecified anger, depression). A hearty dose of L-theanine sorted this out. 

Perhaps the most astonishing effect of all this: I am not dissociated at all. My identity issues aren’t resolved but MUCH better (mainly because Iboga showed me why I had them in the first place), my memory starts coming back together and I cannot quite fathom how I was suicidal. I can sustain an actual conversation without zoning out and my social anxiety is less. 

So – small dose, BIG effect! On that basis I’m now wondering: If I am THAT sensitive, would I need a lower dose to flood than other people?

Also, I would really appreciate your opinions on the blood pressure thing – from what I’ve heard, Iboga is supposed to lower blood pressure, not raise it? Should I be concerned (I had bloodshot eyes half the next day)?

And finally, not that I’m complaining but I am a bit concerned about the dopamine thing, since low dopamine is a problem I have to start with – Iboga does lower dopamine levels, but I don’t assume I have taken enough to downregulate my DA receptors as well. Still, I would not want to jump right into a depression after a flood – do you think this would persist on higher doses?

I will ask my provider all this as well, but I would appreciate as many opinions as possible! Many Thanks!

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💬 11 comments

11 Comments

georgena92· 9d ago

Fascinating turn of events and experience with micro dosing. I really can't comment too much on your questions. I have no idea what the admin policy is but will stay on the side of safety rather than saying yes or no to a higher/lower amount. That's really your call since you at least have a feel for the spirit of Iboga. Just don't second guess, I would go with exactly with what was recommended. In the past we have had some issues with people taking Iboga for Dissociative Identity Disorder, so it becomes a touchy issue. I want to at least chime in support. I stay away from mental issues because of all the risks involved and in general only work with people seeking the spiritual rebirth. Best of luck.

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shea· 9d ago

Hi, thanks for the reply - yeah, will definitely stick to what the pro's say. I'd be really interested if you could point me in the direction of some info about use with DID, even if negative. I've done some research on the neurobiology and neurochemistry of it and think Iboga could do some good, but I've not found anyone who has actually tried this. In a sense, it is rebirth I seek. A number of spirits have to be reborn as one, so to speak. But I understand that others could be reluctant to take the responsibility.

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noelani91· 9d ago

That is an incredible microdosing experience Miss D - thanks for sharing. Seems like you are quite sensitive to iboga. I can take a couple of grams of RB in caps and hardly notice it. I recently attempted a flood and like you expected my BP to drop (as it and the heart rate does in most people). However, mine went ridiculously high - I didn't have blood shot eyes but my heart felt like it was banging against my ribs it was pounding so hard and fast - the next night it started off normal then dropped really low in stages. So I guess the moral of the story is to expect the unexpected! Good luck to you in your journey - take care of yourself - you're worth it you know...

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georgena92· 9d ago

Dissociative Identity Disorder and Iboga Is not showing up on the search engines. We had at least one case a year and a half ago that went very badly. And there was another case around that time. I can't remember the particulars just that the OP message in short was don't use Iboga with Dissociative Identity Disorder. Then again because Iboga is such a unique experience for every individual it's almost like disregard that. So I personally have more questions that answers when it comes to Iboga and mental issues or brain chemistry imbalances. I apologize as I couldn't find it and don't really wish to dig and dig to find it (too much time/energy). I just thought you should know that we have had red flags put in the air from people before with that issue. I feel like I remember that they also had troubles microdosing though as well.

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shea· 9d ago

@patientorchard: I found some comments by user crazylife, like here: http://Ibogaine.club/index.php?topic=1047.msg9319#msg9319 I could not find out his/her actual experience. I agree with him/her that jumping in when one does not have 100% cooperation of one's system (that is, if there are alters who could sneak around and harm the self/others) could be a very bad plan. My system has been working on communication and cooperation for some time now, so its more like a team effort. I realise this probably sounds wacky for non-DIDers, but getting some good group dynamics going in one's head is almost the way out. I don't really believe anyone has "multiple personalities" in the literal sense, but in DID we have large parts of the self that are split off so far they operate like autonomous entities. To give them a name and a face and get them to talk to each other is probably just a narrative device the brain uses to make sense of this, but it works. Also, a phobia of traumatic content is a symptom of DID, so the fear of the trauma is mostly worse than the trauma itself. The lady with Depersonalisation seemed to have a rough time. That's not quite the same disorder though, afaik. @warmclover: Thank you. My head knows that, my gut still has to learn it :-)

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roxine· 9d ago

Hi Miss Demeanor! WOW! Your microdosing experience sounds intense! This just shows how some people are very sensitive to the medicine. Thank you so much for sharing! I just have to add that I think some of the negative things we have seen with people using Iboga for mental issues are with people who have combined them or used them very close to SSRI's and similar drugs. I may be wrong about that, I haven't been here as Long as Kambo. I am almost sure this has been the case with some of the recent ones. They may have been off of them while they were microdosing, but IMO, not nearly long enough. Mixing the two can be very dangerous. It sounds like you have had some really great experiences with microdosing but strong to say the least, so be careful and listen to the great folks here. roxine

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lane_drifts· 9d ago

Thank you so much for you report, it made me smile. Glad to hear that it has helped your DID. I really liked your perspective on the ego & twisting ibogas teachings.This again reminds me to be wary of my own interpretations of my experiences. Interesting you saw a striking woman and striking man, and crossing a river. These are very common themes when crossing into the spirit world with iboga. Nyingwan Mebege in bwiti is the 'sister' of God and is typically seen as a strikingly beautiful woman, and Zame ye Mebege is father of iboga/God, who you possibly saw as well? http://www.ibogaine.desk.nl/fernandez.html I've heard that women can go deeper with iboga than men, this is what my original provider told me, and I am not sure where he heard it from :-) He told me this the day after my first flood, and I remember thinking at the time that it made sense, since men come from women through birth??? Microdosing myself for anxiety/adhd, now on 0.5g rootbark every weekday, as opposed to alternating between 1g & 0.5g every other day the last 2 weeks. With my meditation and prayers in the morning, this is really helping me. Taking a vacation on friday for 10 days and will be off it. I have heard that it is good to lay off it for a while, as your body sort of gets comfortable with it in small doses, but staggering can get back to the full effects of focus and insight if required.

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lane_drifts· 9d ago

sorry double post

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shea· 9d ago

@roxine: SSRI's turn me into a zombie, I haven't touched them in years. I think people with mental issues tend to know their inner workings better than the average person, but there is always a risk involved with destabilising what is already wobbly. @lane_drifts: thank you. I've been having an eye on my thoughts so to speak and it is ridiculous how much negative stuff I come up with all the time. And then people blame the drugs... That symbolism thing sounds interesting. I haven't really dug far into Bwiti cosmology and customs so far, I was taking a rather materialistic sciency approach (just to make sure I don't go off the deep end before I've even started). I'm thinking of reading ethnographies and such before my flood, but then maybe I would create visions because I'm expecting them - not sure. Maybe I'll just look it up after :-) as far as I'm in position to make recommendations, I would not microdose for too long. I noticed I had a bit of a low mood going on for a few days - nothing comparable even to a mdma comedown, but I suppose since iboga has SSRI properties, if you take it too long it might have similar effects coming off. Glad it helped with your ADHD and anxiety - I've been off for over a week now and I can still feel a new inner strenght and energy.

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lane_drifts· 9d ago

"I've been off for over a week now and I can still feel a new inner strenght and energy." Great to hear. And yes, probably best to stay as neutral as possible pre-flood by not reading much of anyone elses stories. My first flood was by far the most special, and that was probably due to me at my whits end at the time, fasting and being completely green to iboga, except for watching a couple of youtube videos about its detox properties. Anyway, best of luck on your journey.

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shea· 3d ago

..um, so my flood plans seem to have fallen through for the time being - turned out the people I had in mind weren't right for me after all. Duh. Now its looking for a sitter - but will probably wait some more time and do it when the time is right. I'm not actually sure if I need a flood at this stage. My dissociative symptoms are completely gone - I'm just fine-tuning my brain now. Two months ago, I would have literally thought this impossible. The DID also remains in remission for a good month after microdosing, so not just a temporary effect.

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