Dean +Ibo + Universe = !

For those of you who have read my previous posts, you will know that about a month ago, I experienced my first flood, and that it did not go very smoothly.  I described the trip itself as chaotic and unpleasant, and the experience overall to be disappointing.  I did however mention that after I got some real sleep, I felt the afterglow so many seem to experience, and that things seemed calmer, more centered.  
Friends and colleagues, I am bloating with joy to share with you what has since occured in my life.  Ive lost my job. Which is pretty much irrelevant to what I wish to tell you, though not altogether unrelated, I suppose.  Anyway, that glow I experienced after the flood has since blossomed into a near total recovery from the most dismal, painful, destructive and tedious episodes of depression Ive ever known.  During the afterglow phase, my mind was calm and clear enough to realize that I did not deserve a rapturous, enlightening or otherwise revelatory experience on ibogaine.  I had done nothing whatsoever to prepare myself for it.  Conversely, in fact, I spent the week prior with a friend in OKC, using heroin, which I hadnt used in two years.  Instead of being overwhelmed, I took this realization for what it was.  A catalyst for change.  The clarity I was experiencing was in relative measure mindyou, no profound creative energy impulses of the like.  So I put a process in motion.
Its important to understand that I had been an unendurable ass to my parents and wife, with whom I live.  Never physically abusive or anything like that.  Just miserable ALL the time.  My misery spreads, they dont want to be around me, which isnt possible, so down we all went.  The last two weeks, things have improved substantially.  My wife and daughter spend much more time together, my wife and I are reconnecting, which is everything to me.  My daughter is about to turn 12 months old, and she is a happy and prococious little bean, and Im actually here to be with her.
So, how did this happen? Its not a mere "attitude adjustment" to be sure.  Ive been exercising daily (I was a very good athelete most my life, so my mood is tied in to my physique and health), weight training and P90X-ing, for the sake of structure.  My diet is much cleaner, grilled meats, raw veggies and fruits, etc etc.  I have been meditating.  This practice has proven to be crucial.  Since high school Ive known what meditation was for, and occasionally sat zazen, but the judicious use of LSD made it (seem) unnecessary.  I have been suffering my self for so long, and have been, get ready, too lazy  to meditate.  Meditation, alone and with a weekly sangha, has basically allowed me to go out of my mind, and come to my senses. I am less inclined toward insulating myself from reality with my internal monologue.  I dont narrate my experiences to myself as much.  My thoughts are more decorative now. I am only at the beginning of my practice.  I have a long way to go before I develop a trail of disciples or what have you.
Also, supplementation has been integral to my well being.  I have been taking the following daily:
Rhodiola rosea 500mg
Piracetam 300+mg
Choline
SAMe
Multivitamin
Vitamin D 1000icu
Focus Formula (which has huperizine)
Omegas/Fish oil
Argenine
Tribulus T and A
Pergnenelone 3-5mg every three days
Moderate caffiene ( one or two 5 hr energy)
Raw Meal 
Various proteins

Also, I am still taking suboxone.  I will try again some day, but for the time being, I need to be on it.  As I mentioned earlier, I was not ready, and the important thing is that it doesnt bother to be on it any more.  I take it with all the other supplements in the morning.  When I can afford to procure the supplies, I will try to flood again, but for the time being, Im making the most of what the last one did for me.  I will update periodically.  Thank you for taking the time to read this report of sorts. Be well.

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roxine· 02 Oct 2026

well Dr. Pockets, I am glad you are feeling so much better. You are right when you say that you must be ready. You must be ready to quit or it doesn't work so well, besides suboxone is a tough one to get off of even with Iboga, I think that your flood did give you a lot, and maybe what you needed, for the time being, anyway. I hope if you decide to do it again, you will truly be ready. roxine

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