In time...

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That sounds like wisdom to me, friend. I think drugs are only a symptom of a deeper, unresolved psychological/spiritual malady. Understanding this can go a very long way - especially in beginning. Welcome to the site, make yourself at home! Cal

Hi heda, Ahhh, the 60s and 70s.  They were the best of times and they were the worst of times. Welcome,   cinderpath

ahh yesss...me and cal share the same opinion of the nineties..... blessed and cursed....but,all roads have brought me to where i am now....

I dreamed last nite that I got a PM telling me to open up here. It wasn't friendly ecouragement, and it wasn't threatening; it didn't suggest any kind of outcome, or make any demands; wasn't even impatient, really. Just emphasized: tell the truth, stop trying to impress people. Share facts, like my age (57 yrs), drugs I use (d-amp ca. 40 mg/day, as vyvanse 100mg daily for 5 yrs; kratom ca. 8g/day lately; memantine 20mg/day for yrs, not consistently)  I DQ'd memantine yesterday, I'm tapering vyvanse (70mg yesterday, less today) and kratom (1.5g s&v today, so far). My caffeine habit has run as high as 400mg/day, not godawful. 150mg today so far. All this with eye to possible microdose since it seems RB may arrive.   I was working on a more comprehensive introduction the last couple of days, and catching up on conversations here when I had this dream. Seems like I should post today. Thanks all.

"Any day above ground is a good one."  I can always argue with that; on good days I don't.  And didn't, mostly, for 15 good years, because I knew better, somehow. At the same time, I found myself inexplicably clean and sober after decades of drunk and dirty. Probably just coincidence...  I'd idealized amphetamines constantly from my teens, and used them when I could (along with just about anything else; no opie habit, though) for 20 yrs.  After my first divorce the irrational urge to pick up a white chip at 12-step meetings intruded randomly, and then more and more often, until i found myself planning exactly that. Exactly THEN, I was arrested for simple possession and landed in jail. So I gladly went to meetings (and got a white chip) THERE. And meetings after I got bailed out. And on probation, when they were court ordered. And after that, for years, I still went to meetings, gladly, without reservation. Including the Friday, following a Saturday night slip, 18 months after my arrest, when I got another white chip.  All while smoking cigarettes, "rollies" mostly for three years post-arrest, until a book about nicotine addiction, describing pre-dose/post-dose states, let me REALLY enjoy that process.  At which point a good friend called up out of the blue and proposed that we quit together. Bad timing, I explained. If I wasn't using this drug already I'd go out and find it: wakes you up, calms you down, makes you smarter...you can still drive...cheap, legal...sorry, man...maybe later...bye. Then I noticed the section of the book about quitting that said tapering beats cold turkey and nicotine gum eases tapering. I called my friend to say I'd changed my mind, and went around the corner to the urgent care: nicotine gum was prescription-only back then. The doc explained that patches, which I'd never heard of, worked better. Plenty more where that came from; I haven't even gotten to my problems yet. Thanks all

I want to quit the amp and kratom altogether. I know my doses are a pimple of a problem compared to any other habit that's been discussed here. Feel free to remind me of that.  I'm hollowed out pretty bad right now, by more than drugs, and I'm ready to look at my options for flooding, maybe some months from now. Thanks all