New to the forum

Hello, I just wanted to introduce myself. I started working with ayahuasca in November of last year. I immersed myself in books and forums on the topic beforehand and had four life changing ceremonies on my own during a period of a couple weeks. In my fourth ceremony, It was communicated to me that I had some physical plane work to accomplish in order to move any further and that any more drinking before accomplishing these tangible and "achievable"goals would be futile. It was made clear to me that all worlds are equally valid and that healing and growth on the physical earth plane is just as important and not separate.
At the time, this was encouraging and invigorating insight. But a few months have gone by and I am beginning to experience my old self creeping back in. Negative, unhealthy thoughts, addictions Etc. I feel that I have been permanently changed by my experiences but it is a bit disheartening to see myself spiraling in a seemingly backward direction. The goals I set for myself, were not unachievable but my progress is getting slower. My intention is not to use any drug as a crutch and if it felt right to go back into ceremony, I would. I am just a difficult spot right now and the reality is that I have some hard work ahead of me and weather I do it in ceremony or not it will be just as challenging. I understand that it is a matter of putting one foot in front of another and doing the hard work. I am just struggling with an old thought pattern that wants someone or something else to save me but that someone is me, I understand that. It is just hard right now.
I am close though. And I cannot help but look forward to how empowered I will feel when I prove to myself that I can do what i say I am going to do. Also I cannot help but think that when I do drink again, I can come back into ceremony in an empowered state rather than looking for insight that I have already received. 

It is my intention to work with Iboga in the future. One thing that draws me to Iboga are the accounts of the individuals that have overcome debilitating addictions. From what I have read,this does not seem to be as common with working with ayahuasca alone. 

I understand the importance of having an experienced facilitator and I am sure I can manifest one when the time is right. I do not intend to spend thousands of dollars. I just do not believe that to be necessary for me personally. I live in Southern California and if anyone knows a good soul who might work with me I wold be so appreciative. I am also interesting in trying some homeopathic doses on my own and working my way up to a full one with a facilitator but I have no idea how to go about that. I am sure that if I start reading here I will find everything I need. 

I found this forum on ayahuasca.com and have heard great things about you guys. I know the beginning of my post sounds a bit negative and hopeless but deep down I am feeling positive. I am just anxious. I love my life and I would not have it any other way and really look forward to posting more and learning from you guys. 

Thank you.

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💬 6 comments

6 Comments

wolfmoon· 02 Aug 2026

Welcome to Ibogaine Club! I think maybe you have found the right place. I encourage you to have a look around here, read some of the experiences. Many have escaped addictions and unhealthy behaviors. It can be a catalyst for discovering yourself, and the power within. It can be calming and balancing. It is a powerful and deep experience that many do not enjoy, but it often helps them to heal. I am sure we can help you find a plan to discover and work with iboga, just hang around, read what you can, and ask as many questions as you can, until you get the answers you seek. I am not a provider, but we have some here, and you may be able to get to know some, and figure out someone you'd like to work with. We can also help recommend ways to go about it yourself, but having a sitter and stuff is almost always recommended. Thanks for sharing!

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nimbleforest43· 02 Aug 2026

i was also led to iboga by ayahusca. welcome.

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lotty41· 02 Aug 2026

Welcome welcome! You've certainly come to the right place.. I think GratefulDad summed it up well.. Hang out a while! Read up on the old threads, get to know the people here, and never be afraid to ask any questions you might have! And you shouldn't have any trouble eventually finding yourself a provider/sitter if that's the route you choose to take. Also, I was led to Ayahuasca after my Iboga experiences.. Interesting, eh? I think the plants may somehow be in cahoots with each other.. :-D <3

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brightwillow· 02 Aug 2026

Greetings and welcome aboard. Very good to have you. I don't think your introduction sounded negative at all - it was honest, and that's what matters. It warms me when people find their ways here from other forums and when I hear that we're being 'recommended'. There's no other place quite like it here and you are a welcome addition. Many people have found the way to iboga via other entheogenic experiences and it seems that ayahuasca tops the list. I believe what 'dig said about their being 'in cahoots'. You seem like you have a good grip on what it is you want, and that's a great place to start. We'll be glad to help you figure things out to further your goals. Look forward to seeing you around, Cal

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firefly· 02 Aug 2026

Thanks for the warm welcome. I also experience them as "in cahoots" Ayahuasca changed so much for me in a short period of time and I am by no means finished with her or her with me as far as I can tell. The fact that there is a whole other untouched journey out there in Iboga just opens up so much for me. I never want the mystery to end. You know.

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sunnyhawk· 02 Aug 2026

Welcome 93!

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